BLUE MONDAY:CAUSAL SEX

BLUE MONDAY:  CAUSAL SEX.

Hey, all you kids out there in the land of SEX WITH ME IS RAD. What is UP? Like, a lot? A little? A moderate amount? Good to hear.

Anyway, remember last week, when we started talking about how to deal with the prospect of one member of a couple leaving town? Good, because we are totally going to continue talking about that. On Friday, that is. Today, however, is Monday, and I want to try keeping things Blue. This is partially because my mind is currently, as they say, “In the gutter,” and partially because I thought of a really neat phrase to coin, and, if you know me, you know that I FUCKING LOVE coining phrases. It doesn’t even matter if they get used by others. I just like, you know, coming up with names for things…

Manufacturers of future SEX WITH ME IS RAD related talking dolls, I hope you are taking detailed notes. (Bonus points if you are using a Newton… )

At any rate, I am finding more and more that SWMIR is not your typical sexual advisement column, in that, I don’t really find myself fielding direct questions from people so much as I find myself, well, talking to friends and colleagues and identifying patterns in the concerns that they raise with me. If you are interested in fancier talk, you can even refer to these patterns as “motifs” as you will- and I must say I will like it if you will, because I often like to think of things in terms of aesthetics, and calling the patterns that evolve in my friends’ assorted neuroses “motifs” casts me in the role of “emotional aesthetician,” which is way more dignified sounding than plain old “sex talk dude.”

And one thing I’ve been noticing recently is that people are kind of lousy at Casual Sex. It’s not that they can’t do it- it’s more that the practice of so called “Casual Sex” seems to have this way of blowing up in people’s faces.

As is the case with many things, this is all the fault of the damn hippies. Sure, moralists, mostly of the religious sort, have plenty of blame to shoulder in this particular regard, but few people take them seriously in this age of post post post Madonnaness and Snooki Whatsherface-itude and the Trojan Man, and let’s be honest here- the few that do are well beyond the reach of this here blog…for the time being…

(insert ominous laughter here.)

So, yeah, the hippies introduced this idea of “FREE LOVE,” and it got them laid and made them all a ton of money, and now we’re stuck with it. I mean, it started out as “free love,” then it evolved to “casual sex (read “free love plus cocaine),” and now it’s so deeply normalized that it doesn’t even really have a name. It’s like the sexual revolution was televised and now it’s in syndication and on Hulu and in awkwardly truncated segments on YourTube and no one even thinks about it anymore, except maybe the aforementioned religious types and your perhaps even more overzealous guidance counselor who’s doing that thing with the banana that you really don’t want to look at ever.

And, the thing is, we should be thinking about it. Because people seem to still be fucking each other in various fashions, and people definitely still get feelings and diseases and babies and such as a result, so there we have it.

Sex has, will, and will continue to happen.

Hence, the brilliant title of this brilliant installment of this brilliant blog. No, it wasn’t a typo, dude- it was  an… intentional thing! A coinage if you will.

I propose “CAUSAL  SEX” as the new, more responsible, alternative to old fashioned CASUAL SEX.

Havers of CAUSAL SEX embrace their sexuality, while cultivating a less cavalier attitude in regards to the potential repercussions of sexual activity, and also while refraining from being all sanctimonious and doing silly crap like wearing promise rings and putting it in their girlfriends’ bee-hinds because they think that God hasn’t closed that particular loophole already.

CAUSAL SEXERS are aware of these potential “repercussions,” not simply in the medical sense- but also in the emotional sense.

Honestly, in this day and age, “safer” sex (a term which I nominate for “stupidest term ever,” btw), should almost be a given, (note the italics on the word almost) but few people give much thought to the emotional repercussions of sex outside of a lasting, monogamous relationship.

To whit- sex is a great little pastime, but sexual freedom, much like regular freedom according to that bumper sticker I saw on that guy’s truck that one time, “is not free.”

Part of the reason for this is the act of sex is so inextricably connected with the feeling of love. Say what you will about enculturation and practiced morality or whatever- sex and love are linked , deep down in our unconscious minds. There’s a reason why people often refer to sex as “lovemaking…” and it’s not simply part of a carefully orchestrated global conspiracy to make me throw up in my mouth.

It’s because, for a myriad of reasons, over the years, humans developed an emotional response to sex. And this response can be either pleasurable or painful, or both- or first one, then the other. It’s not so crazy of a notion- if you think about it, we have emotional responses to everything we do, be it drunken bathroom fellatio, “courtesy” telephone calls, or miniature golf. IT’S A FACT.

So, those of us who choose to have CAUSAL sex keep these things in mind. In the Future, I shall discuss this principle in less armchair sociological and more armchair concrete terms. Hell, I might even do that next Monday…

But until then, expect more about the problem of LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS on Friday here at SEX WITH ME IS RAD: “The Sex Blog That Sometimes Actually Sorta Gets Around to Talking ‘Bout Sex…Baby”