Movin' on out.

Finally. More About Getting the Heck Outta Dodge, and How it May Affect Your Relationship.

Alrighty, folks. Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Reports of my extended absence…less so. But never you mind about that. The fact is- SEX WITH ME IS RAD is BACK. And it should be more or less back on schedule.   

When last we spoke, we digressed a bit, talkin’ ‘bout CAUSAL SEX, as opposed to “Casual Sex,” and I must say it was a discussion worth discussing. And it is a discussion that warrants further discussing indeed.

But, we’re back in the realms of the heart, rather than the realms of the crotch, where anything and everything can, and will, happen.

As you may or may not remember, we are back in the company of our two archetypal lovers, who are now dealing with the reality that the land of GRAD SCHOOL beckons- and the land of GRAD SCHOOL is far, far away from the land in which the relationship has existed thus far. It’s a confusing, heartwrenching crossroads for our friends to be at, to be sure.

And what exactly is at this crossroads, besides perhaps the Devil and Bizzy Bone and Robert Johnson and maybe Bobby Frost and a million two bit high school commencement speakers arguing about which road is in fact “less travelled?”

(Hint: it’s usually the one on the left)

At this crossroads, there are mostly a lot of logistical questions. Obviously, first and foremost, the couple will need to figure out exactly how much they like each other and how well they function as a couple-y unit/team-y thing. Ostensibly, a couple that has been together longer and has lived together is far more likely to pick up and move together. The patterns of co-habitation have already been established and will be actually be much harder to break than they will be to simply pick up and move to another location. A couple that isn’t living together will be more likely to split in this situation, unless they happen to be REALLY ready to “take the next step” in their relationship, simply because if both parties move together, then, shit, they’re suddenly LIVING together- if they move separately, that’s twice as much apartment finding, and ultimately, moving, that needs to be done.

The second major set of questions relates to work and to the social environment our potential re-locators will be facing. In this situation, party A, the one going to grad school, is at a distinct advantage over party B. More so than the world of actual work, academia, obviously, is a pretty hermetically sealed environment- it’s a lifestyle. So, Party A, our resident egghead, is moving to his or her new town with a social network, workplace, and possibly even a living situation ready and waiting for him/her. Party B may be moving to this new place empty handed. This disadvantage can be offset if Party B is an innately social, outgoing creature, or if Party B has already found a job and/or has friends in the city the couple is moving to.

If B is a wallflower and a homebody, I strongly recommend against the couple uprooting and moving together. In this case, the two parties will simply become unnecessarily co-dependent and will likely resent each other, unless B is truly content and happy in her solitude, something I believe can only come with age and experience- so younger couples (read: anyone under 30) should be especially wary of this particular caveat.        

And of course, if the relationship as a whole isn’t healthy, or simply isn’t suited for the new environment that the pair is moving to, it’s best to bite the bullet and take steps towards breaking up. Heck, the two parties can use the big move as an excuse to extricate themselves from the whole crappy affair!     

If our couple should choose to BREAK UP, they will become subject to the Long Term Relationship Mourning Process, which I seem to remember describing in detail at some point in the increasing long, dark history of this here blog.

The only major kink that distance throws into the LTRMP is that it, in some way removes, or at least greatly modifies, the second stage of the process, which is THE FIGHT.

If distance is the ONLY reason our couple is calling it quits, then THE FIGHT will be less a “fight” than it is a teary, extended discussion.

But, seriously. What kind of honest to goodness pair of real human animal creatures would have such a simple relationship that they could break up after a significant period of time for only one simple little reason…regardless of how much debt one may incur as a result of that simple little reason?

IT’S A FACT: Breakups are never as “clean” as they ought to be. So, what can our couple expect if they choose to break up in the face of impending theses, long term separation and the heavy handed eroticism of the latest bodice ripping “adult fantasy” series appearing on the television set?

Essentially, what they can expect is a mild, yet protracted, period of second guessing- questions like “did we do the ‘right’ thing?” and “did I just completely waste those X number of years of my life with that jerk?” will likely arise during this period. The only advice I can give here is: try to think of these things during the day, while you are nice and sober and not near a telephone or implement of text messaging.

Trust me on that one.        

So, there we have it. My first set of words in a couple of weeks. I think that, for the time being, I’ll just be doing the blog every Monday, rather than both Monday and Friday, though I’m sure that will all change as well. Next time, we’ll talk about what happens when our happy couple opts to stay together in the face of impending higher education…a risky option if ever there was one, but not one without its merits.

But until that time, I wish you a fond farewell from SEX WITH ME IS RAD “The Love Blog that simply Can’t Live [With Or] Without You.”