WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING (LOVE)

Oh hello there, and welcome to another little installment of SEX WITH ME IS RAD- the love advice blog that doesn’t advise about love so much as it rants, raves and circumlocutes in regards to things that have to do with relationships in general. Because, honestly- advice is for the kind of suckers who go through life thinking it’s like, gonna make sense  or something. Pffft.

We dear friends, are a different breed of suckers. We are the kind of sucker who knows that, for better or worse , life is little more than  a series of events with a loosely causal relationship to one another. And  that these events are rarely all good or all bad, though we are often tempted to categorize them as one or the other. And this inclination to wonder “what do all of these loosely causally related events like, mean???” is the reason we’re all here right now a-frettin’ and a-worryin’ about our various stuff and things.

And what, you might ask, are these “stuffs” and “things” that we’re worrying about, as we sit here, on our respective computering devices, in our respective coffee-shops, bedrooms, public libraries and wi-fi enabled brothels? 

Well, let me tell you. The “thing” of the day is “EXPECTATION.”

And yes, this is a little abstract, I know. And that’s actually part of the point. Today, we’ll be discussing “expectation” vis a vis romantic relationships (mostly). And we’ll be doing this because expectation is one of the biggest, if not THE biggest stumbling blocks that stands between you, oh undeniably but (yet unassumingly) sexy reader, and finding the closest thing to TRU LUV™ in this silly little plane of reality that we all occasionally blow our noses on.

So- what exactly should one expect from a love relationship? And, perhaps more importantly- what SHOULDN’T one expect?

Well, at the risk of sounding like someone who defines things negatively, I’m going to fixate a bit today on what one SHOULD NOT expect from one’s romantic relationship. And I’m going to lead with a big one here, and I’m going to trust you guys to bear with me…

YOU SHOULD NOT EXPECT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP TO BE “SATISFYING.” PERIOD.

Yeah. Perish the thought.

“Satisfaction” is little more than one of many undeniably classic, if heinously overplayed, songs that Keith Richards’ heroin addiction happened to channel into being for the benefit of sentimental dads, Record Label executives and bemused Super Bowl audiences everywhere (NB- these three markets are FAR from being mutually exclusive).   

There’s a reason why people make fun of that monologue from Jerry McGuire where he goes on and on about how whatsherface “completing him.” It’s a fanciful, trite sentiment that is completely counterproductive to anything that might possible resemble an actual, functional loving relationship. (Furthermore, inside sources say that it was having to bring this unfortunate swathe of particularly purple screenwriting to life that drove Tom Cruise finally and ineffably into the belly of SCIENTOLOGY. And the last thing I want for any of you lovely people is to see you become Scientologists.)

“Satisfaction,” is, at best, a momentary pleasure. And it’s a privilege, not a right. It’s a side benefit of working at your relationship with someone whose skill set COMPLEMENTS YOURS. And this is something I will absolutely get into the nitty gritty of in a future so near, it won’t even involve flying cars. I promise.

Til’ then- a very merry “ try and stay Zen through the impending cold and dark and loneliness that is the Holiday season” to you from “SEX WITH ME IS RAD: The love blog that tries. Oh it tries. It tries and tries and tries.”