ON SNARK

HELLO AND WELCOME TO YOU

On this Snowy Friday edition of (addition to?) SEX WITH ME IS RAD: “What’s a snarky single gal to do?

This one is another two-parter. This is because you, my dear readers, ask complex questions that deserve in depth answers. Like me, you are as repulsively intelligent as you are engagingly neurotic.  

The first part of the question reads like this:

Any advice on where a smart, snarky single girl can meet a smart, snarky single guy

OK. Let’s hold the phone here and address your first issue, which is the “snarkiness.”

To [somewhat clumsily] paraphrase the famous poet Steven Morrissey: “[Snarkiness] is nice/but [Snarkiness] can stop you/from doing all the [people] in life you’d like to.”

Before you, the sassy single gal, can even decide where to search for a sassy single guy, you need to take stock of just how snarky you are and how that sarcastic demeanor of yours comes across to others.

This is where things get tough, and this is a very real, often unaddressed reason that so many smartypantses have trouble in the realm of the romantic:

SNARKASM IS NOT AS SEXY AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO THINK IT IS. Now, I’m hardly advocating for you dumbing yourself down- in fact, some of us are honest to God incapable of such things. But, I guarantee you that, at best, the depth of your wit is going to be lost on a new acquaintance. At worst, what seems “snarky” to you, might just come across as “cutting” to another party. The best way to avoid this pitfall is to play it safe. Try to listen more than you talk. Believe me- smart people can smell intelligence. Start with the best approximation of small talk you can muster- and then work your way up to the jokes and the banter. Personally, I like to ask questions and give prompts that indicate I at least have a general idea what the fuck the other person is talking about. A good initial conversation can be as simple as the following:

            ME: So, what do you do for work?

            GIRL: Oh, um. Actually, I answer calls for the local suicide hotline…

ME: (affecting engagedness and degree of surprise) Ah, so, do you really talk people off of ledges? Like, literally?

Note how I am not necessarily being funny, or particularly sarcastic…I’m just trying to come off as canny and interested. Note also that I said I was “affecting” interest. That doesn’t mean I’m necessarily being insincere, I’m just stressing the importance of adopting the appropriate body language to accompany my words. One of the reasons intelligent people have trouble interacting with others stems from a general inability to express themselves physically. This is a problem I have been working on myself recently. If one appears to be stuck in one’s head, one tends to come across as cold, and being witty and even downright amusing can make one seem more intimidating.

So, there’s a little tangent/caveat for you- I’ll get to the meat of the question which is where and how to meet these elusive intelligent creatures who company we all covet so on Monday.

Until then: All the best from SEX WITH ME IS RAD: “The Blog that will never give you up, nor will it let you down (although it may answer your inquiries somewhat tangentially from time to time)”