Once more with the Where’s.

Hey everybody out there in the world of the Sex With Me! It seems that more needs saying on the topic of where to meet the ever elusive “North American Snarky Male.”

So, I present to you people, of all genders, really, out there just a-suffering from what a friend of mine referred to today as “Liz Lemonitis” some heavy duty THEORY.

By now, you should have your witty head straight, and possibly your PARTNER IN CRIME in tow. The question is now “What sort of place do I take my straight head and crimey partner to meet some shiny new boys with smart brains in their heads and smart flames in their hearts and loins?

(Those are flames of passion, not angina or gonorrhea, mind you.)

Well. Since I am all about the equivocality here at SEX WITH ME IS RAD, I will give you some of the pros and cons of your potential meeting places.  

The first place you might consider going is called THE INTERNET. You may have heard of it…it’s like, that place that isn’t really a place.

On THE INTERNET, one flies solo, so you don’t have to worry about finding that PARTNER IN CRIME. On this non place, you basically have two choices-

1)      You’ve got your Craigslist, which is the biggest of crapshoots, because you don’t have the benefit of seeing someone’s profile; all you have to go on is their ad. Craigslist is interesting because it most closely resembles dating classifieds of yore. You know, when they used to be on paper and stuff and you had to call the person on the telephone. The good thing about Craigslist is that, if you’re smart, and decent at typing the English language, you can find a decent verbal sparring partner. Just find an ad that looks like it is well written (you can do it, I trust you!) and respond to it. The bad thing about CL is that you will likely end up frustrated, because you’ll clever about with this lad for several emails…and then one of you will likely end up thinking too much about it and get cold feet. If you choose to go this route, ASK THE PERSON ON A DATE WITHIN 3 EMAILS! And don’t expect too much. People on the ‘list tend to not put their money where their mouth is.

2)      You’ve got your Eharmony/OK Cupid/Whatever sites, where you are likely asked a ton of questions on topics ranging from your sexual proclivities to the temperature at which you prefer to eat your soup. These sites are problematic in that they objectify both you and your potential mates- yeah, you can show folks what cool music and films you are into, and you can give them your sexiest glamour shots…but at the end of the day, you are not defined by what you like. Or, for that matter, what you look like. It may seem that these thorough profiles and “precise” algorithms remove the guesswork of finding yourself a match, but honestly.  They don’t really do this, and besides: “We are the the music makers. We are the dreamers of dreams.” Do we really want some asshole in a lab coat telling us who to love? FUCK NO THANKS.

SO…that puts us back in the good old “Real World,” where people exist in 3 dimensions, and have voices and bodies and sometimes smell a little funny. For all intents and purposes, there are two types of place in this “Real” World:

1) You’ve got your loud places- your Dance Nights, your Rock Shows. I generally warn against these for smart people, because there’s something distinctly lowest common denominator about these events, and about dancing in particular. There’s an inherent sexuality to dancing that tends to be anathema to your average snarkasaurus. HOWEVER. If you end up at one of these nights, your best bet is with the wallflowers. Your snarkboy will likely be inclined to sit on the sidelines, and will appreciate a nice girl sidling up to him and making a clever comment to the effect of “aren’t these people silly?” and BOOM. You’re on your way.

2) You’ve got your quiet places- your Coffee Shops, Readings, and Libraries. I’ve mentioned coffee shops before, and they’re great first date locations…but not the best places to meet people. Coffee shops are more like libraries in that People in coffee shops are in the zone. You can meet people there…but it’s likely going to be difficult, because they will either be genuinely busy, or so introverted that warming them up will be like pulling teeth. Also, I’ve heard from many people that they find getting hit on in places like this is particularly annoying. If you think about it, the last thing you want while you are in the middle of reading your favorite book is some douchebag coming up to you and being all like “OMG! That is like totally my favorite book too!” Ugh.

What you really need, then, is to either adopt the latter approach to the loud places, or find someplace that splits the difference between the two. This means a bar with just the right amount of people, ambient noise and privacy. And what you do once you get there is find a nice visible place to sit where you can talk to your PARTNER in crime, and sit there. Keep your eyes open for people who seem attractive and intelligent…and then BE PROACTIVE. Sometimes being proactive can be as simple as making direct eye contact with your target. Shoot some meaningful glances over, and, if he’s returning the glances, chances are he will either come over to you, or you will get the overwhelming feeling that it is safe for you to come to him. And, again. BOOM. You’re on your way. I’m certainly not guaranteeing anything. You will still end up frustrated more often than not. BUT, it gets easier with practice, and you’ll find (somewhat ironically) that you will be wittier and more natural out of your head than you were when you were trapped in it.

Whew. And that just about wraps it up for this extra long installment of SEX WITH ME IS RAD- “The Blog that will lay it all out for you…in hope that someone nice will ultimately, well, you know…”