THE FIGHT!

LET’S TALK ABOUT “THE FIGHT.”

Oh, hi there, oh denizen of the World Wide Web. It’s that time again. A time to get on your favorite ISP (bonus points if you’re using your free hours from AOL) and access the Love blog that wishes only the best for you, the people you love, and the people you kinda wish loved you as much as you love them: SEX WITH ME IS RAD!

So, on Monday, we discussed THE PRE BREAKUP, aka the first stage of the LTR MOURNING PROCESS, which entails mechanical and/or nonexistent sex, weirdly incestuous feeling kisses, and an odd blindness towards the fact that there might be a problem a-brewin’.

And today, we’ll talk about that storm that’s a-brewin’ and the ways in which it may or may not storm. We’ve had the bed death and the stifling routine and the general flatness.

We are now ready for… “THE FIGHT.”

First things first- I’m calling this phase of the LTRMP “The Fight,” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that any actual fighting will be involved. As one gets older, and more accustomed to the vicissitudes of relationshipness, the “Fight” should become more like a “talk.” But, shit howdy, if you and your significant other are the passion-ridden fiery firebrands that I think you are, it’s pretty likely that your “Fights” have been pretty “fighty” in the past. And perhaps some will be in the future. But again, knowledge is power (or something) and I’m hoping from my end of this here blog that even seeing this here advice on your there screen will help you to identify the components of “The Fight” and maybe this knowledge will help you diffuse any undue nastiness, thereby expediting the LTRMP so everyone can go along their (ultimately) merry ways.

So. Basically, “The Fight” can assume any number of guises, it can be catalyzed by literally ANYTHING, and can be masked by any number of subterfuges.

Obviously, the most dramatic type of catalyst would be some sort of wrong, perpetrated by one partner on the other. You know, infidelity, general dishonesty, or (god forbid) violence. That stuff is, by nature the most explosive, partially thanks to its dramatic nature, but also partially because of people’s tendency to keep these truly horrible things secret for uncomfortable lengths of time.

You might also have a very ostensibly polite discussion about frozen yogurt that might cause both of you to wretch at the very thought of artificial mango flavoring for years to come.

At any rate, “The Fight” will likely start in an inopportune way, at an inopportune time. Like, partner A will be totally thinking s/he is focused on his career, and partner B will be borderline obsessed about how many dishes s/he has to wash. As I mentioned before, neither party will feel as if they are particularly prepared to talk about those icky “feelings” that have been percolating around in their souls.

THERE IS SIMPLY NO “GOOD” TIME for “The Fight.” Banish that thought from your head- you will need that room to fit all those brains you are supposed to keep up there. “The Fight” will happen, and it will blindside you and it will SUCK. LOTS. NO MATTER WHAT.

So, what to do when “The Fight” happens? Well, the two parties involved will probably shuffle through the entire gamut of emotions. Anger, guilt, loneliness, nostalgia. Fear. The whole she-bang. And, like I said before, they might express these emotions via pointed comments about one partner’s adverse reaction to the American Cheese-y yellowness of certain frozen treats. They might throw chairs at each other. Either way- something’s going on.

Depending on the emotional makeup of the two partners, the length of the relationship and the amount of repression involved, the explosiveness of “The Fight” will vary wildly.

What I advocate for as far as “The Fight” is concerned is a degree of emotional openness on the part of both partners. Honestly, so long as no one is hit by the aforementioned flying chairs, I prefer the more explosive version of “The Fight” to the more repressed one.

What you really want is a happy medium, where each party is expressing themselves as freely and articulately as possible, while being open to what the other party has to say…to which you may reply…

OH DEAR, THIS IS SO VERY PROFOUNDLY THE OPPOSITE OF EASY!

To which I reply…

YES THIS IS CORRECT. (and NB: the opposite of “easy” is “difficult”)

But as I often say, you, friend out there in the blogosphere, are a heavy-hittin’ no nonsense BIG DOG. You can take it, and so can your partner. The only way to emerge from “The Fight” safely is by letting it happen. No matter what, you are your own agent, and you should know innately how to protect yourself from any true harm that might befall you.

And, well, that’s all I have to say about that for now. This is a big topic, and a hard one discuss in too general a fashion. There are so many variables that come into play here, and I’m working through a lot of this in my own, generally capable, brain.

So, I would like to reiterate that any and all questions in regards to any stage of the LTRMP you may have will be duly entertained. Heck, I’m even thinking through a mathematical equation right now that might shed some light on how to calculate the potential severity of any given “The Fight.” And I hate math as much, if not twelve million times more, than Barbie does.

So until we meet again, thanks for reading SEX WITH ME IS RAD: “The blog that knows it’s over/still it clings/It doesn’t know where else it can go”